Today was a day I was looking forward to, but dreading at the same time. Because as ready as I am to have the tumor removed from my body, I can’t help but be super nervous about this major surgery and life change. Bundled up but still freezing to death, we jumped in J’s truck and headed to the hospital to meet with my surgeon. I couldn’t help but remember the day Jett was born as we drove with ice crystals still on the windshield. It is miserably cold here in Greenville right now and Jett was born on the coldest day of the year in 2014. I’ll never forget that morning seeing school delays due to super low temps and the danger of bus riders waiting for their buses. So as we drove up to the hospital, worried and still chilled, Mandisa’s new song “Unfinished” came on the radio and it touched me so, and warmed my heart right up.
She sings about how God started something GOOD and how His work isn’t finished. Wow! I was reminded right then of the many good things in my life: my sweet husband, our little boy, our family, friends and so much more.
Hearing her words “His work in me ain’t through” toughened me up and made me feel like I could conquer the world as I stepped through the hospital doors.
The visit began with checking vitals and then seeing Dr. Millican. He came in so calm and pleasant, praising me for doing so well with chemo. He was also very pleased with the results of how the tumor shrunk. He then asked me what I wanted to do. Because of the size of the tumor now, a lumpectomy would be a possibility, but I’ve said from the beginning of this whole process, I’m terrified of it coming back. So to be proactive...my words to him were “take them both”! I’ve been 99% sure of this decision for a good long time and I’ve stuck to it. Always being a huge 90210 fan, I followed Shannon Doherty’s journey with breast cancer. This quote stood out to me...especially the last part. I want my life! I want to do exactly that...grow old with J and see Jett become the amazing young man I know he will be.
Before we left, he answered a few questions for us and then showed me the images from my MRI of the tumor in July and then most recently. I cried. How could I not? Seeing how the chemo did its job each week, and with constant prayers being said to take this from my body, I wept. Next, I was off to the scheduling room. My “type A” self wanted a Monday date to end a full week of teaching with my students and then have the surgery on a Monday. But that day wasn’t available due to the length of surgery and sentinel lymph node removal to check those to make sure they are clear. So Wednesday, February 7 was next up. That is the day. 11 o’clock! I know that Gods’ hands of protection will be on me the whole time and that is comforting to know. A friend of mine shared this link with me entitled, “Don’t Waste Cancer” by John Piper. I may have shared this before but it is so good and is such a great reminder that we have a choice in the hardships of our life. It’s just like the quote from Joyce Meyer about the cactus that I’ve lived by during this journey.
We can sulk or shine. We can sit on the prickly cactus or choose not to. Believe me...I’ve sulked and had super sad moments where I’ve cried enough to fill a river. Just today, I lost it talking to my surgeon about this journey I’ve been on. I cried like a baby in church on Sunday. I cry watching Jett play and talk to his transformers. And when I hear prayers said by others out loud, I loose it everytime. I get down in the dumps but always rise up. I can be an emotional roller coaster some days. But honestly...much of the time I try to be positive and thankful for each new day. My prayer has been for God to heal my body, but also to let His light shine through me so others may know Him.
My favorite quote from this article above is this....
So fully relying on Him is what I try to do each day. It’s hard. But He’s ultimately in control of our lives. And I choose to see the joy in each day. That smiling little boy below needs his mommy. Just this week he said to me, “Mommy, your hair is growing back so that means you aren’t sick anymore.” He’s a smart little cookie and yes, my hair is growing like crazy and I feel good. My fingers still hurt but my body is stronger every day, and I’m excited super about being back to normal soon.
So I ask that you pray for us all as we prepare for February 7th. We hope to keep normalcy for Jett, as he will
continue with school.
Pray for our wellness during flu season.
Pray for my precious caretakers, as they are wonderful!
Pray for the doctors and nurses as they prepare for the surgery.
Pray for me as I prepare for my long term sub. She’s so wonderful and the kids love her so I know that they’ll be in the best hands. I just want to have everything ready for her to make 12 weeks of teaching as easy as possible.
Continue to pray for all those that have recently been diagnosed and are going through treatments.
Yesterday at church the message spoke to me so as it was all about “how to face the future”. Read Joshua 1:1-9. His words are perfect and give me so much hope.
Love to all!
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