So one of Jett’s favorite songs is “Jesus loves me” and it never fails that I can sing this to him when he’s at his exhaustion point and he’ll fall right off to sleep. I love this song and cry almost everytime I hear or sing it. I even had it played in our wedding, as a prelude. Recently I saw in one of my devotional books the words reversed...instead of “Jesus loves me, this I know”, it said “Jesus knows me, this I love”. And how wonderful is that fact? We can trust God’s purpose for our lives and that’s an awesome feeling, especially when life gets bumpy.
Last week was just that. Bumpy and busy, and just plain hard. From laundry overflowing to getting my first cavity EVER, to the business of being a parent, to planning for a sub and being out for 12 weeks. It’s just been crazy.
Forgetting my dang eyebrows topped it off on Friday. That was the cherry on top of a super challenging week. I know that seems so vain, but when you try to look normal at school for 23 sweet little friends, eyebrows are important and necessary. I currently have 1 eyelash on one eye and two on the other. The hair on my head is a hot mess! It is growing, slowly but surely, and I’m thankful for that, but I may be wearing this wig forever! A sweet friend of mine introduced me to Monat and the “Let It Grow” kit!
So....grow, hair grow!
Talk about a tough week , I’ve had several mornings and afternoons where I’ve had to just stop and pray for God to calm the waters in my soul. Slowly I can feel the peace, and I’m able to settle down and feel him near. There are also times when I’m amazed at the timing of sweet reminders from my tribe! I absolutely love receiving a picture of cactus goodies, or an uplifting verse or message from a friend or family member. They always come at the perfect moment.
And those messages mean tons to me, when I’m weak and when I’m strong. They give me hope. It stinks when you think about all the people who have tough situations thrown at them in life. Cancer, divorce, loss of a loved one, job situations, etc. All of these are huge obstacles to overcome. But knowing the truth of God’s promise, helps. One of my favorite songs throughout this battle has been Mercy Me’s, “Even If”. I remember talking to a former pastor on the phone right after I was diagnosed and he sang these words to me. Whew, the words are so powerful. “I know You’re able and I know You can, save through the fire with Your mighty hand, but even if You don’t, my hope is You alone.” Amen to that!
As I have thought a lot about my upcoming surgery, I’ve had to lean on that promise. I have also spent my time doing a little reading about the recovery, making tons of lists, started packing a hospital bag, ordered some necessities (wedge pillow, robe with drain holders, and some scar bandages) and pray constantly. Yes, I’m scared. Yes, I’m worried. And yes, I’m concerned about the pain and healing process. But then again, yes, I’m ready. I know God will give me the courage to fight my battle that’s around the corner. This cancer has been in my body for way too many months and it has got to come out. SOON!
My parents have been talking a lot with Jett about how he’s going to have to be super gentle with mommy when I have my surgery. He’s at the age now where every move he makes is somewhat “ninja-like”, so it’s nothing for him to run and jump on our backs or in our laps for a hug. He’s such little lover and loves so big. His sweet little self asks me quite often “mommy, are you getting better?”, or “mommy, do you have to take more chemo?”. A couple of days ago he said “mommy, I know you’d “neber”leave me.” Yeah. I cannot tell you how those precious words instantly made me weep. I mean ugly tears, to the point where I couldn’t catch my breath. I hate that he even knows the word chemo. Lord, heal my body so that I can honestly answer this little boy...”no, I’ll never leave you, angel.” God’s plan is written for me. I know that. And I trust Him. But dang...there are some days when it’s hard, and I cannot not think about cancer reoccurrence and how it stinks for him to have had a sick mommy.
So y’all just pray for us all. The emotions are crazy real and I’m seriously good one minute and the next, calling my people to cry my eyeballs out. I’m going to fight this battle and come out a winner, because there’s victory in Jesus!
This weekend was filled with date night, birthday parties, roping with our daddy, and church. I’m trying to stay busy to keep myself upbeat, but end up absolutely exhausted in the end. 
Naps help. And so does a little chocolate.
So tomorrow will be a day of catching up, as we are off for MLK, Jr. Day. Each January we study biographies in 2nd grade and we always read a lot about Martin Luther King, Jr. One of my favorite quotes by him is this...
His words were powerful. One activity I love to have my students do each year is write about their dreams for life.
This one is hard to beat....such wise words from an 8 year old, huh? Let’s all try to do just that...blow a dust of joy over this mean ol’ world!
Upcoming prayer requests:
Pray for my next doctor’s appointment on February 1 for pre-op and for my anxiety, as I’m super nervous about surgery.
Pray for the hands of the doctors and nurses that will rid my body of the tumor on February 7.
Pray that I will be cancer free after this surgery.
Pray for all those that are sick with the flu and that we can stay healthy.
Pray for one of my co-workers and her husband, as he fights this terrible disease.
Dont forget the words: Jesus loves me, this I know and Jesus knows me, this I love. Hugs to all!
Oh and thanks to all who have brought meals and are signed up to bring them during my recovery. You just don’t know how much this helps our little family.
Here’s the link!
“But my eyes are fixed on You, sovereign Lord; I take refuge.” Psalm 141:8
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