I was determined to do this by myself. My mom or J has willingly gone with me to EVERY single appointment and I love them for that but this one, I thought I could do alone. When I first arrived and gave the receptionist my name she told me to take the elevator up to the second level. Immediately I saw the huge staircase and decided while I'm strong and well, I'd take those. I know there will be days in the future where I may not be as strong in my physical walk as I am today. As far as spiritually though, He helps me daily to be strong for J, Jett, and others. Believe me, I do cry and constantly think about how scary this all is, but praying and receiving kind words from others like this below, keep me going. So this is one my sweet friend Celeste sent me this morning.
Spot on, right??!! I try so hard each day to be like Hannah in this story...releasing my anxiety over to God and trusting.
So as I'm waiting in the lobby for my appointment at noon, a notification comes up from my Bible app...
Ok, God. Thank you for that. And all things are possible with Him.
My meetings went well with the most precious people sharing tons of information about the meds I'll be taking, risks, side effects, payment, etc. One of the ladies actually had a little girl that went through BCES so that was fun to have that connection. My friend DeeAnn's niece works there too and came to visit with me. Talking with these women and the comfort I felt with them made it seem like I had known them forever. That's another one of those God things (and puzzle pieces).
As I was leaving an older lady finishing a treatment grabbed me and told me how cute my outfit was and how beautiful I looked. I just hugged her and she held me so tight. Pulling back, I looked into her eyes and it was like I was looking at Jesus. Her sweet spirit and love for a complete stranger was bone chilling. We are beautiful to Jesus when we are our ugliest. He knows us inside and out. This moment touched my heart so much and I truly could've collapsed after that embrace.
I've shared lots of the information with J and my parents about today. It's a lot to take in. I just keep telling myself...one step in front of the other, one flight of stairs at a time. That staircase that I took this morning represents so much about the life God intended for me to live. One day soon I can climb to the top and look behind me at at the bottom stairs and see what I used to be. I just pray that this journey makes me stronger.
Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
Please pray for me on Wednesday as I begin chemo and for our family as changes occur. We love you all!
Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always in every way. The Lord be with you all.
—2 Thessalonians 3:16
No comments