My mom came over and helped me with a few things around the house, made me lunch, and chatted about our day yesterday. We are still in awe about the day it was. Right after lunch, is when the fatigue they talk about hit. BOOM! I literally was awake watching tv and talking one minute and then my head dropped, and started snoring and drooling the next. I was dreaming like 20 dreams in 5 minutes, it seemed.
No nausea came with this (thank goodness) but the tiredness kicked my tail. We had to go back to the hospital around 4 to get a Neulasta shot which helps with the fight if infection. (Planned trip) The ride up to Lauren's Road with a tired little boy and a worried momma was not fun. I was ill, short tempered, and about to loose my mind once we got there. I felt kind of like a maniac. I was irritated when I jumped out at the car but the greeters just smiled and were so pleasant, as always, so my attitude changed and upstairs I went. When arriving back into the same area I took my chemo in, I saw my nurse and several others that were just so gracious and came to check in me.
It helped to hear that how I was feeling was normal and just to hold on for the ride. Their hugs and "it's gonna be ok" got me through the shot, back in the car, and made the ride home much better. I prayed so much during that 30 minute wait for God to restore my body and for forgiveness of how I'd been on the ride up. I told my mom that I had lost one pound and that my blood pressure wa super low. The nurses were not worried when I told them I was just so exhausted. Jett asked 1,678,389 questions about what one pound was and what is blood pressure and why did you have to get a shot but we made it home. Trying to be a patient mommy, I tried to answer these questions without screaming but made it through. I went straight to bed and that's where I found myself just about 30 minutes ago when J came in for bed too. Can y'all just pray for him too? Not only did he work A super HaRD days work, he came home, fed Jett, did a tubby, snuggled our boy and put him to bed. I never heard them make a sound and he felt terrible when he came in the room and I woke up. He's so strong but I know it's got to be hard on him seeing me go through this. Pray for my parents too. My mom is a tremendous help with Jett and myself and sometimes I know that I'm a little short with her about somethings. Like all mothers do, they want their children healthy and well. She is constantly reminding me to drink and talk meds. And for Jett... pray for him and his little 3.5 year old self. He senses mommy's weakness and isn't always the best listener and sometimes it is so easy to just ignore it and move on but the momma in me wants to act and discipline and teach him proper behavior. So pray for patience for us all.
A good note is that the doctor told me that I may see a size difference in the size of the tumor after the first treatment and guess what!!?? I do! Isn't that God's wonderful healing touch working with these doctors and meds!! Praise the Lord. He is the only one who can bring us through these trials and tribulations and be there when times are at their darkest. So now I'm going to close this post and go to bed. Thanks again for all of you who have reached our to help! We love you and want to travel this road with you all, some leading in front, some walking right beside us, and some pushing up the rear.
So here's what I'm invisioning Princess Cactus to look like today and she's so not huggable. (My mom will vouch for that!). I've apologized to her a hundred times. Time will pass and I'm praying to be back to my normal self soon. Pray for that too, will ya! Night, night!
"God is our reguge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1
Oh Kristen, your sweet Momma knows it isn't you speaking when that prickly cactus comes out. Momma's love us even when we are at our very worst and feeling pretty unlovable for our actions. You have every right to feel everything you are feeling right now. Continued prayers from the Fleming's! We'll pop our heads in to see you next Friday if GG wasn't lucky enough to get you as her teacher this year!
ReplyDeleteKristen, the thing about Mamas is we love our children no matter what. I'm sure you already know that since you are a mother as well. Will be praying for you, J and Jett. And of course for your Mom and Dad.
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