Believe it or not, sleep has not been an issue so far during the beginning stages of this journey. I lay my head down on my pillow and I'm out. I sleep all night and wake up super rested. Having a busy little boy helps but so does the peace I have with this all. But last night was very different. I tossed and turned and prayed and worried, and got up dreading my PET scan. I just constantly kept thinking that THIS was the test that looked for other cancer cells in my body. Who wouldn't be a little apprehensive of receiving the news that it had spread?!? I prayed lots while tossing, asking for His hand to calm my nerves. After having some quiet time in the wee hours of the night, I read one of my favorite verses over and over.
Psalm 46:5 "God is with her, she will not fall; God will help her at the break of day." And he did. I was able to rest for a few more hours and then God proved this as I woke up to a Facebook message of a sweet friend of mine whose husband is over the PET scan department. She reassured me that I'd be taken good care of by the staff. That was comforting to hear and think about on the way. My sweet daddy took me and always does a good job of calming my nerves and talking about everything under the sun. This morning our conversation went from our lunch choices to tires to upcoming birthdays to Pearl. We are so much alike with our crazy thoughts all over the place. After getting checked in the folks were awesome and did everything to make me comfortable. The drink was yucky but I was totally looking forward to an Olive Garden date with my dad so I turned it up and downed that baby. The waiting game began as all of the medicines had to work their way through my body before the scan could be done. When it was my turn, all fear disappeared. Laying on the table waiting for the scan to begin was slightly eerie and super quiet, but I was brave. The machine came on, I slid back in the big old barrel, and I then I totally forgot to close my eyes. I do not like right quarters. Let me repeat! I am slightly claustrophobic and when I had my MRI, I was on my stomach with my head down so this was SOOOO different. I somewhat panicked until I squeezed my eyes closed quickly and then suddenly some familiar music came on. At this moment, I knew everything was good. You won't believe the tunes that we're playing. Back to back were two of Jett's favorite songs ..."Wagon Wheel" and "Dirt on my Boots". Yep! Thank you God! Thank you for putting my soul at ease. I'm couldn't help but to sing along and it truly took away the scary feeling. This was such a God wink. When it was all over, we left, I ate like a pig, did a little shopping with my dad, and prayed some more for good results.
My precious doctor called me around 6 with the best news of the day. The cancer isn't anywhere else in my body except this large mass in my left breast that is 8.8 cm and they did see 1 node with very minimal uptake. In her words..."this is great news". Praise be to God! There is truly nothing scarier (other than the original breast cancer diagnosis) than lying on a table with your mind going 100 miles a minute and waiting for the news to see if you have cancer in your body.
So the next step is the port placement tomorrow so we can start chemo next Wednesday. I'm ready. Really...I'm so ready to get this ball rolling. I'm ready to take this bull by the horns. I'm ready to kick this cactus that pricked me. So will y'all pray for an easy procedure at 7 in the morning. The strength that I have right now is almost scary. I know it is from above completely and I feel like my spirit is being renewed daily. Faith over fear. That's what it's all about. He's a good, good Father. And I will praise His name all the way.
And how cute is this t-shirt??!! Thank you to my sweet friend Lisa for this awesome shirt and constant reminder.
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 1:7
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