Home

HOME.  

Those four letters are sweet music to my soul.

  I still think of my parents’ house as home.  And it’ll always be the place I grew up from age 13-on. 

 My grandparents lived there until they reached the other side of Heaven in 92 and 93.  And so we made the move from Summerville to renovate the house, breathing new life into her, but yet keeping the rich, southern charm alive.   

 It’s the house my uncles and daddy were born and raised in.  

It’s the place that my momma always makes so beautiful during every little season, with her decorating.  

It’s the place where Jeremy and I sat on the porch swing after dates.  

It’s where I had my reception after our wedding.  

It’s the place that Jett has fallen in love with tons of green grass, tractors, and a garden.

  And it will forever be the place that I remember telling my parents the news of cancer and then walking into after being cancer free.   

For 10 days, at this forever home, I rested, slept, ate delicious meals, read, talked with many visitors, cried, and prayed.  It was perfect for recooperating, just as it is everytime we visit.  The front room I stayed in had once been my grandparents’ room and I couldn’t help but think of them often.  I’d often wake up in the middle

of the night in pain or just with a dream and would think of them.  Both had been diagnosed with two different types of cancer:  colon and ovarian.   Heart attacks took them both, but I often remember how we all felt when they told us their scary news.  They were such precious, Godly people, and I’m sure they prayed their way through it.  Just as I try to do each day.    

So each night around 6, I’d look forward to J and Jett’s  arrival for supper and dreaded seeing them leave.  There’s nothing harder than not being able to pick up your baby boy or even hold him tight to snuggle.  I’m just now getting to the point where he can sit in my lap with a cushion between my chest and his back.

So as ready as I was to hold Jett, I was ready to come home to the house J and I have made into a home.

 It’s a different kind of home.  

A home where I’ll always remember Jeremy proposing to me under our huge oak. 

 It’s a home that we enjoyed fixing up before moving in, to begin our married life.  It’s a home where we prayed for job changes for J, a baby, and many other things.  

And it’s the home where we brought Jett to live after he was born.  

I tease about “life on the circle” but we love our little home and look forward to making many more memories here as a family of 3. 

 So coming home on that rainy Saturday morning, was a good feeling.  The house was spotless, beds made, everything tidy, and I could see the boys were cleaning the barn, as I looked outside.  When the door flew open, that big hug from J and words from Jett, “Mommy’s home”, will stay in my heart forever.  He’s still a little guarded around me, but I do love to see him completely wrapped up in his daddy’s arms.  This sign was sitting on the table when I got home and it speaks so much truth.  

So being at home now for a couple of days has been good.  I’ve tried to do some tasks and have been told to stop.  I don’t like to sit still and there’s always something else to do...laundry, dishes, etc. I’ve moved things around, organized a few areas, and so forth.  

 My sweet momma and mother-in-love have come over and helped me with lots of things.  Gosh, what would I do without them?  

Being home alone is something I’m not used to. 

 I took 12 weeks off with Jett when he was born but was totally consumed with him as a new baby and enjoyed every second with him. This time period is quite different for me.  Jett is still going to school and I’m spending time healing.  I’ll of course be going to several upcoming doctor appointments, and soon radiation daily, but tons of time will be spent resting at home.  I’ve found that my quiet time is cherished time.  It’s time for healing, prayer, and focusing on God.  A book I recently found  by Joyce Meyer had a wonderful message today, focusing on praying, instead of fearing.  Whoa!  Speak to me, Lord.  So often I do find myself fearing the next appointment, or the next step in this process.  I do fear reoccurrence and what all comes with that.  I fear that I’m wearing out both sets of our parents as they try to help during this time. I fear for J and Jett...I want to come out of this journey cancer free and live that way forever and ever.  But fear creeps in and causes problems and my anxiety builds.  We have to trust and pray, no matter how great or important or small or insignificant the problem is.  We don’t know what God has in store for our lives.... we have to pray, instead of fear.   

So that’s my goal over these next 11 weeks.  I want to be drawn closer to Him, and seek guidance through prayer, and overcome all fear.  Talking about fear,  I remember laying on the gurney being wheeled into the operating room without an ounce of fear in my bones.  My doctor was smiling at me, the nurses were asking me questions about my life, and the fear of what was about to happen truly was taken away.  I prayed that morning, “Lord, let my faith be bigger than my fear.” 

 And that happened and was all God.  

If you’ll recall the story I told about a stranger telling me that she’d never felt closer to God than during the minutes before a big surgery in her life...well I felt that too.  He loves you, and me.  So remember, don’t fear it, pray about it.  

As for some good news, I actually wore a shirt that wasn’t a button-up.  Yahoo!  My arm strength is good and I can lift my arms over my head.  Don’t laugh, but laying in the hospital bed that first night, I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to do that or wear any type of clothing that had to go over my head.  Also, the healing process is going very well.  I’m off all pain meds and my hair is growing like crazy!  Soooo....all is well!  Most of the time!  

Here’s another song that spoke to me during one of those hard days.  My sister-in-law sent this song by Micah Tyler to me and it’s a good one and the album is awesome too!  

Never Been a Moment

“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41:10‬ ‭KJV‬‬