Rest vs. resist

I’m learning this slowly but surely!  

After coming home from my parents after ten full days of surgery recovery time, I got a little bee in my bonnet and began venturing out some. Getting the all clear for driving got the ball rolling and I had some mega energy built up that needed to be released. Our outings consisted of follow up doctor visits, yummy lunch dates, with a little shopping added in too.  I mean I was making banana puddings with my little guy and all. 

Y’all know me well enough to know that I can turn a very simple day into a busy one, running here and there until supper time.  And that’s exactly what I did.  I was feeling great, and then found myself completely DONE!  I had lunch with a friend on Tuesday at noon and by 2 pm, I felt like death.  Fever, aches, pains, runny nose...it was the full blown FLU! 

I had myself diagnosed before making the trip to the doctor.  With lots of meds and fluids, I tucked my hiney into the bed and quarantined myself to the house.  I did nothing but eat Cheez-its and egg drop soup, drink Ginger Ale, and watch 2 full seasons over two days of a great Netflix show, The Crown.  So when they say rest is the best medicine to a full recovery, it truly is, and I’ve learned a lesson or two about how to stay home and heal. 

I’d switch from the bed to the couch but end up comfortable enough to read many of my favorite devotional books, checked out some good decorating magazines,  and got caught up on a few of my websites/blogs that I follow. 

One, in particular, that I enjoy reading daily is on Billy Graham’s “Grow Your Faith” website.  This particular devotion was focused on pure rest.  Rest!  Whoa...just what I needed to read about!  The verse, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28, spoke heavy to me during this time of being sick because I was made to do just that...come to Jesus.  

I felt as if I really had rushed myself to being 100 % again, and now I was pushed back and forced to slow down.  So during that “rest” time, many hours were spent in God’s word, trying to stay connected with Him.  Within this particular devotion, they talked about the word “rest” and then the word “resist”.  The only difference is the “i”.  And that “i” is a problem.  So I was resisting rest.  

I was thinking...

I can do one more thing around the house.

I can meet so and so for dinner.  

I can run and grab some groceries.  

I can take Jett to the park.  

I can fold a load of clothes.  

I can organize Jett’s winter and spring clothes. 

I can decorate for spring.

I can run to that store and look for an outfit.  

What was I thinking???  I mean I just had major surgery and yes I was doing good... but who was I to think I could do all of these things!  What was I thinking?  Who am I?  That very song by Casting Crowns came to mind.  

So as I listen carefully to those words, He speaks to me.  He tells me that I am His and that He will catch me when I’m falling.  Yes, Lord. I fell and You caught me and I am yours! 

So as I laid in the bed one afternoon I was brought to tears thinking of how good God’s been to me over this cancer journey.  He caught me last week as I was falling, but man how He carried me, literally putting a blanket of protection over me for 16 weeks of treatment (while teaching little people) to keep me well.  Each week as I’d walk into infusion, my numbers would be right on target to continue chemo.  He prepared my body and kept me well before surgery.  And then the actual surgery was a success because of His hands guiding the doctors.  And then if you could see the scars and how they’ve healed.  I’m giving Him all the praise.  His plan is perfect, and right, and holy.  

And as I got to the top of the mountain, feeling healed and wonderful, as I had just finished another leg of the race and was about to begin the downhill slide into the final steps,  I hit a bump.  A bump that only He could create, to slow me down. It cautioned me to rest, and helped my focus to remain on Him.  That bump hurt a little, but made this girl know that He is ultimately in control and to listen to Him carefully!

So the flu turned into a sinus infection.  And I’ve been back to the doctor for round #2 of meds and I truly am starting to feel somewhat normal.   We’ve been home a lot lately and  last night was a super sad evening as we lost our horse that J has loved and roped off of for years.  “Cook Cook” truly were some of Jett’s first words, following Mama and Dada, and that boy adored that horse. 

 “Cook” was the most gentle, sweet spirited horse that you’d ever find.  I’ll never forget two of our nieces riding him  without a fear in the world.  

He’d been to many ropings and rodeos, and everyone knew the “greatness” of Cookie.  He will be so missed.  As J told Jett that he had died and was in Heaven, Jett made it very clear that he didn’t want anyone to ride his horse until he went to “Heaben” one day.  Many more horses will come into Jett’s life I’m sure as his cowboy adventures are just beginning, but that horse made a lasting impression on our sweet boy.  Our hearts are so heavy.  

He’s buried under his favorite tree.  He greeted me here almost daily,  either first thing in the morning or when I came home

from school.   When he made his entrance to Heaven last night,  I know many wonderful horsemen that have already walked through the pearly gates welcomed him with open arms.  I can just see our Uncle Andy, the one who introduced J to the ultimate horse world, greeting Cookie and showing him the wonders up above.  Roam free, pretty boy!  

So as J was taking care of Cookie’s final resting place, my mom and I went to my radiation consult appointment today.  The nurses and doctors on this leg of the recovery plan were just as precious as they have all been. 

 I was a little nervous leaving the Mauldin Cancer Center and venturing to The Gibbs Cancer Center off Pelham,  but it’s super nice and I know it’s going to be a great experience.  The center in Mauldin is super busy right now so that’s the reason for that change!   The nurse who did my vitals told me that she was a 19 year breast cancer survivor and like me, choose to do no reconstruction immediately after her bilateral mastectomy.  She just now has started to reconstruct and that just reaffirmed the decision I made.  If I ever change my mind, reconstruction is still an option.  Speaking of my decision for no reconstruction at this time, I have to give props to Casey at For Every Woman.  She was awesome guiding me through the prosthetic process and helping me find the right “ones” for me!  

Back to today, I then met the radiation oncologist who was so calm, walking me through what the 33 treatments would like like.  She explained that radiation is done to kill any remaining cancer cells around the site of the mastectomy.  Before leaving she even said that if I ever needed to bring Jett with me, the nurses there loved children and would be more than happy to watch him while I received my treatment.  I mean how comforting is that to know?!  Thankfully he’ll be well taken care of at daycare but the fact that she offered, was just so kind.  So I go back tomorrrow to have the second round of my consult done, marking the specific site of radiation and scheduling those 33 rounds.  I’m hoping that it’ll be first thing each morning.  She said the actual process will take less than 10 minutes.  Wow!  So guess what I plan on doing during that 10 minutes?   Pray and rest! And rest some more when I get home each day.   Pinky promise!  

“Be still and know that I am God.”  Psalm 46:10