Rocks

Strong, unchanging, tough.

Stacked, they can make huge mountains.

Standing tall to see the world.

Haiku-written by the teacher in me 😀

***You can tell I’m missing the classroom when I’m writing poetry in my spare time ?***

Father’s Day and our anniversary will always have a whole new meaning to me each year as it’s the day I found my tumor. I’ll never forget that second my hand touched it under my armpit. It was like a punch in the throat, my heart skipped a beat and my stomach turned all at once.

What did I just feel? It has to be a hormonal cyst. It just had to be. After a much needed nap with Jett, on a wonderful, joyous occasion celebrating my daddy, my father-in-law, my husband, and our anniversary (which so happened to fall on Father’s Day), my mood seemed to change from happy to helpless. I told J what I had found and then worried myself about it until I could see my doctor.

And after our beach trip the following week, my life changed forever.

As we prepare to celebrate Father’s Day this weekend, I can’t help but know that I’ll squeeze the men in my life a little tighter on their special day. They’ve been such huge supporters of mine during this trial. I’ll never forget calling J and having him meet me at my doctor’s office, as she gave us the news of my cancer. We crumbled together, but immediately, hand in hand, began the fight. He was my constant and so encouraging the entire journey.

My daddy was the same. Telling him the news was horrible, as both a mom and dad never want to see their child go through something like this. He faithfully sat in my chemo room, and watched every drop of those meds enter my body.

And then when I told my father-in-law, who at the time was ill and fighting for his life, seeing him shed tears and squeezing my hand as I asked him to fight alongside me, meant so much.

Those were some of the hardest moments, but these three men have been like “rocks” along my path this past year.

In fact, miracles have taken place and my father-in-law is doing awesome, back to fishing and enjoying time with his grandchildren. My dad spends his days refinishing his old barns, and is moving well after serious neck surgery. He loves playing with his dog, Buddy, and of course loving on his grands too.

And Jeremy, well...he’s just busy, working like crazy, roping, and being a great dad and husband.

Rocks are tough, and strong, like our fathers.

They don’t change easily, which is good because I sure need stable goodness in my life.

And stacked, rocks make mountains.

These men stand tall daily, like boulders, and provide for us in this life we are living.

And I can stand on the edge and see our beautiful world, with them ever so present, thanking God for putting them in lives.

And the best rock is Jesus.

When things get tough and you hit the bottom, you discover that there is one rock you can completely stand on.

Our Heavenly Father.

This week has been tough.

I’ve called His name many times in need. I feel 80 years old most days, as my body aches and my hands and feet look super gross as they are peeling and cracked from the chemo drug. Mommy guilt has set in that my stamina isn’t what if used to be and that my 4 year old is BUSY. His nap time days seem to be over, and mine haven’t stopped. My sweet little buddy accidentally stepped on my old broken toe nail (caused from the Taxol drug) as he’s always one precious inch away from me most times. He saw me cry and then he cried. And he asked me this week if I was going to Heaven soon. These things have had me on my knees. Praying, crying, laughing...my emotions run wild. But yet I grab him and hold him ever so tight as I’m thankful to be his mommy and be alive. I’m his rock. And he is mine. He keeps me grounded and helps me see the important things in life. The flowers he picks are the most gorgeous ones on the planet, his sweet kisses I’ll cherish forever. I never tire of hearing him call me mommy. And I relish in every second that we get to spend together. Even when I’m tired and weak and just plain wore out.

So as he stood on this mountain of rocks at the roping pen last night, I couldn’t help but sing this song to myself, “Rock of ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee.”

God who is unchanging, steady, and immovable, has made a way for me to hide in His cleft at times and be found by Jesus.

There have been times when I’ve wanted to hide and try to forget about this disease, and I’ve fallen down many times during this journey, but I then remember I have so much to live for.

Life is tough, like a rock, and with Him, there is hope.

Happy Father’s Day to all of the wonderful men out there.