7-12-17
Noon.
I’ll never forget the call from the nurse that Dr. Keith wanted to meet with me. And J.
I just knew then the news wasn’t good. I was dropping Jett off to stay with my parents when Doctor Keith called me before we met and said those words.
“It’s cancer, come as soon as you can”.
I crumbled...into the arms of my parents.
I cried the whole way to the doctor, collapsed into Jeremy’s arms in the parking lot and then we walked in the exam room, sat and waited to see her. She was very calm as she told us the details.
Stage 2, infiltrating ductal carcinoma.
That moment my world seemed to spin, and everything felt like it was falling on top of me. We just cried and cried and then my doctor hugged me and told me it would be one heck of a year but I would be ok. She had just done exactly what I was getting ready to go through.
And it was at that moment, I knew I had to fight for my life. And fight hard.
Next up...
*4 extremely roughy chemo treatments of the red devil
*12 chemos that wreaked havoc on my finger nails
*Bilateral mastectomy
*33 rounds of radiation
*6 months of oral chemo
*Hysterectomy in December
*And then years of Arimidex.
And a lifetime of wonder.
Wondering if it’ll come back, and how much longer He will keep me here. Yes I wonder these things. I can’t help it. I do know that He has my life in His hands, but the wonder just doesn’t leave you.
Just this week, I had a panic attack and knew that I didn’t feel like myself. Nurses and medicine do amazing things. I’m totally not ashamed to ask for help when I need it for my family’s sake and mine. Every single day since Father’s Day, the day I found my tumor, I’ve relived each day of the past year. The day I first met with my doctor, meeting my surgeon for the first time, the mammogram, the MRI, the biopsy, the PET scan, meeting with my oncologist for my plan, and today, my “cancerversary”. The anniversary of the day I was pricked with that mean old cactus.
It’s not a day of celebration like we do for a real anniversary.
No flowers, no dinner out, no cards.
But it is surely a day that I want to give thanks to our precious Savior within this storm.
A day that I can be thankful for another year of life.
I give thanks to Him for literally cradling me in his arms every step of the way.
I give thanks for Him giving the knowledge to my team of doctors to rid the cancer from my body.
I give thanks to Him for giving me my husband who never left my side, parents and in-laws who helped so much with Jett.
And I give thanks to our tribe who bathed us with prayer, cards, texts and visits during one of the hardest battles anyone would ever want to face.
His love and mercy has been so evident each and every step of the way.
Just this week, I read in John 5 about the man who went to the healing pool to be healed. Jesus walked by, stopped, and miraculously healed him. The healing pool did not. He showed loved and mercy to him that the pool could not. And then Jesus was tortured and ridiculed for healing him on the Sabbath and for calling to His Father during this time. The Sabbath day was a day of rest and the Jews believed that no one was equal with God. Jesus explained that God, His Father, was always working....even on Sundays, the Sabbath day, and that he was just doing what His Father does.
So let us never lose sight of our Father.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sundays.
His love is enough to love us every day.
We can’t help ourselves and need Him daily. He’s the master planner and boy have I seen that. I’m a planner too and this little detail wasn’t on my calendar. But have I been able to see Him work in so many ways through this rocky path. He constantly intervenes to accomplish His work, and I can testify to that.
His plan is right. It’s good. It’s not always pretty and what I want, but that’s ok.
It helps me to see that it’s not about me, it’s about Him.
These 365 days have been quite different for us all. We’ve had our ups and downs, our happy moments, and sad ones and times where we’ve been on our knees begging God for a miracle.
And each time, He’s shown up.
And shown out.
As I’ve laid in bed each night this week at the beach, hearing J and Jett’s prayers leave me speechless. They ask Him to be with mommy and continue to heal my body. This means so much to hear the guys so near and dear to me, ask this on my behalf each night.
I know that God hears those sweet, sweet requests.
Speaking of sweet, while stopping at The Chocolate Tree in Beaufort, as we always do, Jett saw the lady’s breast cancer ribbon pins on her apron. He whispered to me that she has ribbons like you have, mommy. He then asked her why she wore them and she replied back that they were special to her and that’s all she said to him with a sweet wink. He just looked up at me with those big blue eyes and smiled. I’ve been careful, guarding him from what he hears and sees. But he picks up on way more than I ever thought he would. Just like that pink ribbon pin. I pray that he continues to show compassion and sees how he can make a difference in the lives of other people. He’s well on his way, and I couldn’t be prouder. May he never lose sight of the King we serve, and may his faith grow stronger each and every day.
This week I’ve been able to truly marvel at His creation of the beach and take in the majestic beauty of the ocean, the tides, every grain of sand, and the gorgeous sunrises and sunsets.
I treasure the beautiful shells and even the dead crabs my sweet boy brings me, and for each one I thank the Lord for his sweet self.
The song “Love Like Crazy” by Lee Brice came on and I lost it. The lyrics sum up so much of my life...
So love like crazy.
Never overuse “I love yous.”
Get on your knees.
Pray for your family and friends. Love your children.
Love your parents.
Love your people.
And ultimately love God. He’s amazing and I’m looking forward to a full, long life to share His word and experience many more fun memories with the people I love, knowing He’s got me.
His promise is all I need.
A promise of an eternity of life with Him.
Prayer requests:
A friend having upcoming scans
Friends having upcoming surgeries
A friend receiving radiation for the first time soon
A good report next week from my doc after lowering dosage...bilirubin has been increasing each time and they are monitoring that super closely
Those newly diagnosed
Those fighting daily
Thank you so much for reading my posts and diligently lifting these friends up.
“The fear or the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow His precepts have good understanding. To Him belongs eternal praise.” Psalm 111:10
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