Lean

It’s been one year and a day since being told I was cancer free after the removal of all breast tissue and the remains of a tumor that tried to take my life.  

It seems like yesterday that we pulled up to the hospital on that cold, rainy morning for this major surgery that no woman ever wants to have.  

I’ll never forget waking up in recovery to the cutest nurse, Juan, who handed me chapstick and told me that my surgery went well.

I’ll never forget my doctor saying I was a rock star in the operating room.  

I’ll never forget Jeremy and my nurses helping me move even an inch because I was helpless.  

I’ll never forget thinking how I’d ever lift my arms over my head again.  

I’ll never forget the thought of having to wear button down shirts for the rest of my life.  

I’ll never forget one of the nurses covering Jeremy up in the hospital chair in the middle of the night.  

I’ll never forget seeing Jett’s sweet little eyes look at me and touch my legs so gently after being told that mommy couldn’t hold him for awhile.   

And I’ll never forget the peace I had that only Jesus could pour over someone.  

So as this one year celebration came closer, it was a day I was looking forward to.  This was the day we’d begin our new cancer support group at church.   We planned to start in January and then February 7 was the date and I couldn’t help but think of it as a God wink.  The anniversary of the day I was officially cancer free.  I was so looking forward to meeting many that we’ve prayed for and talked to about their diagnosis.  And I couldn’t wait to spend the evening sharing God’s love and stories of hope.  

But a not so wonderful celebration day happened when I began feeling super yucky at school and was diagnosed with the flu.  Doesn’t God have a funny way with his timing?  Sickness is everywhere, so a blessing we will consider it that I didn’t spread my flu germs and make those who are currently in the battle even more sick or compromise those with weak immunities. 

I remember vividly 10 days after my surgery last year getting the flu from the same precious one that I do believe gave it to me this year as well.  I mean who doesn’t want their momma when they feel terrible.  I do, still at 38.  And Jett made that clear too.  He wallowed and sneezed and coughed and snuggled me until I just knew I’d be sick eventually.  It’s so hard to not hold your baby when they feel their worst.  So let’s hope and pray that no one else gets these germs that we’ve gotten so good at spreading.

My devotion this morning was about leaning on God.  The song “Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms” was mentioned and that’s just what I’ve had to do these past 19 months.  Some days I’ve leaned harder than others and there have been days where I’ve actually had to stop myself and ask...are you leaning enough??  It’s so easy to talk to Him through the difficult times when you need that comfort.  But oh how I’ve learned that by leaning on Him through EVERY situation, His goodness will prevail.  He works for our good.  And if we put Him first, over ourselves, we will see how hardships can bring joy.  That’s something to be grateful for!  

So...

When you are scared

When you are lonely

When you are worried

When you are hurting

When you are celebrating

When you are the happiest you’ve ever been

Lean, lean, lean.  And thank Him for being there for you during all those different times.  

“Even when I go through the darkest valley, I fear no danger, for you are with me; your rod and your staff-they comfort me.”  Psalm 23:4