This Thanksgiving has a whole new meaning to me, as I am truly more thankful for every second of each day than I ever have been before. I am thankful that on June 18th, I found my lump. I am thankful that I followed through with seeing the doctor and took the proper steps to determine exactly what it was. I am thankful for all of the nurses and doctors that saw me quickly and helped me start my journey to a cure. I am thankful for my husband, my sweet Jett, my parents, my in-laws, and all of my family and friends who have amazingly stood by my side each and every day. I am thankful for a God that is real and that has never left me alone and sustains me. And I am thankful for His promises and for life. A full life. 37 and a half years.
On July 12, the day of my diagnosis, I didn’t really know what this cancer journey would look like. I soon found out that the chemo part of the treatment would fall during the season of FALL. Hmmm… And guess what? Fall is truly my most favorite season of the year. Trying to think positively, I couldn’t help but think that college football would take center stage on TV, pumpkins, scarecrows, and leaves would be the decorations around town, the color orange (my favorite) would be shining brightly everywhere, and the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays would be just around the corner. Knowing all of this made the doom of CHEMO seem a tad brighter. And a bright spot it has been. With treatments on Friday, my Saturdays have been busy with a Clemson game to watch on TV almost every weekend, we’ve carved pumpkins, the color orange has consumed my wardrobe, house, and more, and now the holidays are here. And I can officially see the light at the end of the treatment tunnel, with 5 more to go. This season of my life has flown by. Seriously. I stand back and think about how fast this season has come and gone. With these last treatments I've been super tired and I've had had a terrible numbing pain in my fingers, but all in all, those have really been the only two side effects from the Taxol, once the terrible reactions were stopped. What a blessing that those ended and now we can start celebrating some as the journey is slowly approaching its halfway mark!
As Thanksgiving approaches, I can’t wait to spend time with my family and eat delicious meals prepared by hands filled with such love. My mouth is watering now thinking about the yumminess that's coming. And for the exercising afterwards, as known as shopping on Black Friday, it's still
up in the air as to whether I'll go. I love the crowds and the thrill
of a good deal but...the steroids will have to be working really well to make me go. My stamina has diminished TONS in the last few weeks. My doctor told me at treatment #11 that I would begin to really feel the exhaustion kick in over the course of these last five treatments and he wasn’t lying. Just this week I felt a difference. I did do most of my decorating so that I can enjoy the holidays. But that about did me in.
And then I tried super hard to wrap some Christmas presents on Sunday and got frustrated as my fingers just didn't work when trying to tie pretty bows and tags on, and I couldn’t do all that I wanted to do. I had to stop midway through. Not being able to accomplish all that I wanted to and more upset me. I've been told that I have to learn to ask for help and also realize that Christmas is still a pretty good ways away. But...I like for everything to be just so, and yes I’m a tad bit OCD. But the good news is that the shopping has mostly been done and the finishing touches will happen. I must be patient and I just keep telling myself the time will come.
When things seem to be falling apart around me and I feel overwhelmed…I try so hard to give it all to Him. This week Jett was being a typical almost 4 year old, stalling during the "getting ready for school process", arguing over his socks, his shirt, the right jeans to wear, his stuffed animal that he wanted to take to school, and more. He was just pushing my buttons more than normal. I seriously stopped dead in my tracks, raised my hands and prayed. I asked Jesus to intervene. And He did. Jett looked at me with this little sideways grin afterwards, and all I could do was cry and hug his neck. Times aren't always easy and the Lord knows that when we are weak, He is strong and He picks us up. This week, I was searching Pinterest for some fun things to do with my students and came across the most wonderful blog.
Wow! Just the title grabbed my heart. The most recent blog post tugged at me and tugged hard! “How to be Truly Thankful” was the title and here were the 4 main points:
1. Lower Your Expectations
2. Give Thanks for the Hard Things
3. Be Humble Towards God
4. Allow God to Use You, Even If It Means That He Will Break You
That last one knocked me to my knees. I’ve been broken so many times over the last few months....just the other day when being a mommy was tough to living with cancer in my body. But yet God has never given up on me. I know that He's using me for great things and I’m thankful for his master plan.
Speaking of great things, yesterday, one of my best friends, Jane, drove once again from Georgia to spend time with me. Even though we only saw each other awake for less than 6 hours, the time was just so special. She loves our Lord and it shows. She loves her family and it shows. She loves giving to others and it shows. And she loves my family and I love hers. I couldn’t wait to give her a bracelet that I had made for her that said “No one fights alone.” That says it all. Even being over 5 hours away, knowing that she is praying for me fervently and daily, means the world to this me. A stroll around Target, a Starbucks in hand, Carolina Fine Foods hamburgers for dinner, PJ Masks on the TV for Jett, and just to sit on the couch with her was just what I needed for a Monday night after a long day at school. A little Christmas present exchange of course had to happen, since we won't see each other over the holidays. She gave Jett the most precious book called The Giving Manger. It is a fun, interactive Christmas book that helps families focus on giving and the true meaning of Christmas. With the simplest manger and baby Jesus, comes straw for the child to place around Jesus every time a good deed is done for others. We’ll begin this very soon as it’s never too early to teach the importance of giving to others during a season where so many times we focus on what’s given to us, especially the little ones.
So thankful I am. Ever so thankful.
We hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving with those you love. Hug every single person a little tighter this year. Tomorrow is never promised.
"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under Heaven...a time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:1,4
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